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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24951442">Childhood Lost</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfessorSS19/pseuds/Professor%20SS19'>Professor SS19 (ProfessorSS19)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Regression/De-Aging, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Good Albus Dumbledore, Good Severus Snape, Inspired by Fanart, Minerva McGonagall &amp; Severus Snape Friendship, Parent Severus Snape, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Tooth-Rotting Fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:03:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,615</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24951442</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfessorSS19/pseuds/Professor%20SS19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Albus Dumbledore is now a child again.  Minerva McGonagall decides that Severus Snape must be the one to take care of Albus.  Severus is reluctant, what with being a Death-Eater spy and all, but maybe, just maybe, he might find something he lost?  Fluff, glorious fluff.  Inspired by banana-ge-ge's artwork on the same topic.  One shot, one write.  Friendship and comfort abound.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Childhood Lost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I claim absolutely no credit for the inspiration for this story.  That belongs solely to banana-ge-ge on Tumblr, and their stunning piece of artwork featuring a de-aged Albus and Severus.  However, I was entirely bewitched by it, and I wanted to write about it.  I know it has distracted me from my regular updates, so this is offered as a one piece, one write short story written today, Saturday 27th June, 2020.</p><p>Dedication:  To the artist who drew the image that warmed my very heart.  I hope this does even some justice to your beautiful, beautiful work, and I bow with a flourish in awe of your extreme talent.  </p><p>~ SS19</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Childhood Lost</span> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p><strong><span class="u">Prologue</span></strong>:</p><p> </p><p>Severus opened the door to his office and limped partly across the floor, not focusing at all on where he was going, and reaping the punishment when he stepped on something sharp, small, and firm, and it embedded into his foot.</p><p> </p><p>He swore, and looked down.  His office floor was littered with multicoloured blocks of all shapes and sizes of a Muggle toy he had once dreamed of owning.  Now as he observed the pieces, and the two constructed model unicorns side by side, he felt the rage at his saw foot begin to dissipate and instead he rescued the two unicorns from the floor, putting them on his desk along with the book he had been carrying from the Hospital Wing, which also seemed to feature a unicorn.  There was a piece of parchment sticking out of the top of the book which he would attend to once he had carefully lowered himself into his chair, newly sustained injuries not yet healed enough not to bother him.</p><p> </p><p>It had been, a very, very strange few days, he reflected.</p><p> </p><p>He opened the book at the page with the parchment, observing first the text on the book that read “and he lived happily ever after” with a shake of his head, and then regarding the parchment.</p><p> </p><p>It was a drawing of two stick figures.  One had dark hair, the other had auburn hair and was much smaller.  In case Severus needed help identifying the two figures, they were helpfully labelled with two names, one spelt wrong – or perhaps right, as he considered the past few days and how he had been referred to.  The taller stick figure – him, per the labelling – was holding the smaller stick figure, and there were several shapes Severus assumed to be anatomically incorrect hearts surrounding both.</p><p> </p><p>He could not help the smile.</p><p> </p><p>The smile that faltered just slightly when he was interrupted, “Hello, Severus.”</p><p> </p><p>He raised his eyes to the door, and the figure of Albus Dumbledore that stood there, “Headmaster.”</p><p> </p><p>“Minerva told me that you did not wish to stay for Filius’ reversal?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Severus returned his gaze to the desk, and the plastic models, and the picture, and the book. “I needed to rest.”</p><p> </p><p>“So, she tells me.”  Albus lingered by the door.  “I also think you did not want to.”</p><p> </p><p>Severus ignored that comment, and shifted the focus on the conversation, “Do we know the cause, yet?”</p><p> </p><p>“No – a totally random occurrence, I think, just the way of the universe.”  Albus twinkled.  “These things happen.”</p><p> </p><p>That, Severus did not believe in the slightest.  But, still.  “I am glad to see you returned to your usual self, Headmaster.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, my boy – and thank you for taking care of me these past few days.  I hear you performed the duty admirably.”</p><p> </p><p>“You do not remember?”  Severus asked, raising his head now, and something akin to disappointment had filled his dark eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You could remind me?”</p><p> </p><p>Severus stared at him for a long moment.  “You remember nothing at all?”</p><p> </p><p>Albus’ expression was utterly unreadable.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.”  Severus murmured.</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>He would not tell Albus.</p><p> </p><p>But oh, how he could remember…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong><span class="u">One</span></strong>:</p><p> </p><p>The quivering shaking trembling body of the Death-Eater underling panted and pleaded and begged for reprieve, but Lord Voldemort was so not happy to forgive, nor was he so willing to forget.  He flicked his wand lazily, releasing the curse, granting temporary peace but knowing he would create it all over again in mere moments - and -</p><p> </p><p>An urgent knock at the door to his private study.</p><p> </p><p>He ignored it.  He was mid torment, and a Lord Voldemort mid torment did not like to be interrupted.  He raised his wand once more -</p><p> </p><p>The knock, again.</p><p> </p><p>His sharp response belied, he hoped, his irritation and annoyance.  The door opened and one of his Ministry officials - well, official spies, at least - stood illuminated in the doorway by the light from the corridor beyond him.  Voldemort hovered the wand before the underling before him, but regarded the official, "What?" </p><p> </p><p>The official - like the underling - stumbled over his words, and Lord Voldemort pretend to pay him no heed, more interested in the failure at his feet - but then the official said something of most interest -</p><p> </p><p>Voldemort's head snapped up, "Say that again!"  His commanding shout sliced the air and both the others with him flinched.  He dropped his tone, "Say that again, and know that if you are found to be lying to me, I will decimate you."</p><p> </p><p>The official's syllables were blurring together into some pathetic litany of helplessness and it took Lord Voldemort great effort to piece them together into a repeat of his previous statement - but - it was most certainly there.</p><p> </p><p>He flicked his wand, and both his followers descended into pained moans and then near screams as Voldemort grinned to the heavens - this was - perfection.</p><p> </p><p>Albus Dumbledore.</p><p> </p><p>Not perfection, he corrected.</p><p> </p><p>Perfection would be Albus Dumbledore dead.</p><p> </p><p>No, not quite perfection.   This was...near perfection.  That, for Lord Voldemort, was enough.</p><p> </p><p><strong><span class="u">Two</span></strong>:</p><p> </p><p>Severus Snape did not like to admit when he was either confused or concerned or wrong footed, and therefore he was having to wear a very impassive mask right now to rival that of his metal Death-Eater disguise.  Before him there was, for want of a better word, near chaos.  Chaos that he really should be intervening with, but to do so would mean moving, and if he moved, he was almost sure he too would descend into the chaos and this corner of the Hogwarts staffroom where he could hold onto the mantlepiece above the fireplace with one hand was a safe haven.</p><p> </p><p>The last few moments - fifteen minutes, he supposed - had been - well - actually, Severus did not want to think about the past few minutes in any great detail because to do so would risk his precious safe haven and right now he needed that safe haven.  He would mentally state the facts, instead.  Statement of facts was neutral; he did not need to associate any emotions with those facts. </p><p> </p><p>Minerva had gone to find the Headmaster when he had not arrived for the first briefing of the summer holidays.</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the Hogwarts staff had chatted amongst themselves and Severus had been reading his book, as he often did. </p><p> </p><p>Then Minerva had come back, a good ten minutes later.</p><p> </p><p>Her facial expression had been one Severus had never seen before - but he would not dwell, because assuming her emotions would not be a statement of fact.</p><p> </p><p>What was fact was that she had not been alone.  Albus had been with her.</p><p> </p><p>Just.</p><p> </p><p>He had been -</p><p> </p><p>Statement of facts, Severus.</p><p> </p><p>Very small, yes.  Sort of knee height.  With short wavy auburn hair.  Purple robes. </p><p> </p><p>State it, Severus.</p><p> </p><p>A child.</p><p> </p><p>Albus Dumbledore was a child.</p><p> </p><p>There, that was not so difficult.  Just facts.</p><p> </p><p>And now, the child Albus Dumbledore was sat in his usual armchair which had somehow become far too big for him, and the rest of the Hogwarts staff - with some awareness of the fact there was a child amongst their midst - had descended into -</p><p> </p><p>Chaos.</p><p> </p><p>Severus would not allow himself to look at the child.  This was not to avoid the facts; this was because he thought, if he did, he would catch those blue eyes and those blue eyes always had a way of undoing him, of making him weak, of making him speak, of making him feel.  He did not feel right now, because what was he supposed to feel about his mentor and protector, closest thing to a father figure, not to mention leader of the Light, once chief Warlock and master of the Elder Wand, oh, and commander of the Order of the Phoenix - being - a - child?</p><p> </p><p>"Severus!"</p><p> </p><p>Minerva's voice interrupted him and he looked to her, from where he had been looking at the very dusty drapes and wondering whether the House Elves ever did anything vaguely useful around the school besides feeding him. "You are awfully quiet!"</p><p> </p><p>All eyes turned to him and Severus felt his safe haven accosted.  "I - have nothing to say."  That much was true.  He had nothing even slightly constructive to say.  </p><p> </p><p>Minerva continued to stare at him as if she was a little misbelieving, and Severus was very aware that it was all eyes on him, including those blue eyes that he would still continue to refuse to look at, "Is it magic, Severus?"</p><p> </p><p>Severus' forehead creased, "Is it magic, Minerva?  Are you - of course it is!"</p><p> </p><p>He saw the expression of furious panic cross her face and he felt as though perhaps he could have been nicer there, and he was about to correct, when she replied instead, "I meant Dark magic, Severus.  Could this be - his - doing?"</p><p> </p><p>"Unbelievably, Minerva, the Dark Lord's plots regarding the Headmaster normally involve some terrible death with copious amounts of torture - he has never once mentioned to me about how wonderful it would be for his cause if Albus Dumbledore became a child!"</p><p> </p><p>He supposed his statement of fact - which none of the squabbling and floundering staff had actually said aloud - added to the silence in the room.  He glanced to the armchair with its tiny occupant and saw that the boy - boy! - had one curled fist close to his mouth and eyes cast down.  Something that he could not identify tugged at him, hard - but fortunately, Minerva had noticed too.  "Severus, Filius, we will go and observe the Headmaster's rooms and see if we can trace the cause of this.  The rest of you - to the library - there must be some way to reverse this."  She turned to Albus and picked him up into her arms, and still with that idea of stating fact, Severus observed how little Albus curled his hands into Minerva's robes and rested his head on her shoulder with his eyes still mostly closed and -</p><p> </p><p>No.  Facts only.  Facts.  Only.</p><p> </p><p><strong><span class="u">Three</span></strong>:</p><p> </p><p>Minerva closed the door to the office and continued to hold Albus, while Filius and Severus scouted it - Severus could not sense any Dark magic, nothing sung to him and that splinter of his soul from bad choices in the past - and Filius too shook his head.  "Nothing obvious, Minerva.  Must have been something innocuous."</p><p> </p><p>Severus knelt by the desk to look under it, as Minerva narrowed her eyes, "Why would this happen?  What could anyone gain from this?"  She looked down to an apparently dozing Albus - "He does not seem able to speak to us - "</p><p> </p><p>She was interrupted by a thud, and a sharp swear word from Severus as his head connected with the side of the desk with the sheer pace of how he had pulled back from under it.</p><p> </p><p>"Severus!  Language!"</p><p> </p><p>He glared up at her, rubbing his head with one hand, "There is something under here - I am not willing to touch it - just in case - "</p><p> </p><p>"Merlin, you and Albus as childs would be quite something - carefully, then, Severus - "</p><p> </p><p>Severus pulled what appeared to be a handkerchief from Albus' desk and very cautiously summoned the item toward him with his wand, catching it as it rolled to just before his knees.  It was a small phial with the remains of yellow liquid collecting in the bottom.  Minerva and Filius came a little closer as he sniffed the glass, trying to determine - "It smells like his blasted sherbet lemons."  He held it to the light above them, "I do not recognise this, so it may be the cause and culprit - but if I do not know what it is, it is very difficult to reverse."  He shifted his focus to Filius, "Is de-aging not more of a charm, Filius?"</p><p> </p><p>Filius seemed non-committal, "It can be - I will see if I can find a counter for it."</p><p> </p><p>Severus stood, touching the side of his head again and feeling stickiness, "Boll - I mean - oops."  He corrected at Minerva's raise of eyebrow.  "Let me see him."  He came closer to Minerva and the little Albus, bracing himself before looking into those blue eyes - "I could ... look.  I do not know how well Legilimency works on a child." </p><p> </p><p>"Surely we need to know if it has sinister intent, Severus?"  Her voice was quietly encouraging and he willed those warring feelings in his chest to settle, for a moment, as little Albus met his stare - he whispered the spell - and was there, both within and without, but everything seemed a blur - a very strange blur - whirling colours that did not seem to materialise into anything concrete that he could recognise - and it almost made him dizzy as he tried to focus - he withdrew, and then there was noise.  Crying.  Albus was crying. </p><p> </p><p>Crying.</p><p> </p><p>Severus almost winced.</p><p> </p><p>Minerva soothed the sobbing child, "There now, there now, it is all right, shh, shh."  She did not seem angry with Severus, perhaps because she had seen the expression that had twisted his mask before he had been able to smooth it, "I could not see anything.  He is obviously confused.  There was a presence I recognise - Albus is definitely still there - but - not yet reachable."  Severus realised he was feeling terribly, terribly guilty, even as those little noises started to fade.  He turned away from the child - he even, apparently, made little children cry - and crossed to the bookshelves with the perfectly acceptable idea of looking for a cure within the many, many books Albus had collected over 112 years of existence.  At the back of his mind he wondered if perhaps this was some machination of the Dark Lord to incapacitate the light; they relied on Albus' guidance and wisdom, and at the moment he would not be able to deliver either, but too it seemed very - strategically foolish of the Dark Lord.  Just kill Albus and be done with it; if he had managed to get so close to Albus that he could achieve this, then surely the Dark Lord would have gone the whole way and ended his life and let them find his body.</p><p> </p><p>He stood, for a moment, thinking about that moment, when he would lose Albus for good - and something hot and treacherous prickled at the back of his eyes - he imagined, kneeling by the body - reaching out to stroke grey hair - to know it was real - to know it was true - and yet wanting to deny every statement of fact - every detail -</p><p> </p><p>"Severus."  Minerva murmured, and he glanced back to her as he pulled a book from the shelf.  "Yes?"</p><p> </p><p>"Not me - "</p><p> </p><p>He looked, properly.  The child was - reaching out - with tiny hands - straining against Minerva's hold, even his eyes seemed desperate.   Severus looked behind him, but saw only books, "Does he want one of these?"  He cast his gaze over the titles, and did not find anything that would appeal to a mute child sized Albus.  His eyes returned to Minerva, "They are all very boring - "</p><p> </p><p>"I think he might want...you, Severus." </p><p> </p><p>Oh - those blue eyes seared him -</p><p> </p><p>"What?  Why?"</p><p> </p><p>"He clearly knows you.  Why don't you just hold him for a moment?"</p><p> </p><p>"No!"</p><p> </p><p>"I am in my seventies, Severus, and Albus is almost the same height as Filius.  Just hold him for a moment while I sit down."  She crossed to him, and he was trapped by her and the child, and the bookcase behind him.  "If you let him perch on your hip, it's a little bit easier, and then just make sure you do not drop him."  She passed the boy to him, and Severus realised he was acting on some sort of innate instinct as he gathered the child into his arms, listening to what she had said - but then deciding that perhaps it was easier to hold him so Albus was supported by one arm, and the other could cross his chest and interlink with his hand, creating something of a seat.  Instantly, one tiny arm wrapped around his shoulders and neck, as far as Albus could stretch, and the head leaned against his shoulder, and the other little hand -</p><p> </p><p>The other little hand touched his chest -</p><p> </p><p>He swallowed.</p><p> </p><p>Little eyes drooped closed.</p><p> </p><p>"That blush is quite adorable, Severus."  Minerva's tone was incredibly soft, and he wanted to clear his throat but he thought it would wake the boy so he looked up to her with what he hoped was a gaze full of venom and distaste but he suspected he had not been successful when her smile simply widened further.  She lowered herself into Albus' chair behind the desk, and Filius hopped up into the other, opposite the desk, that Severus most often occupied.  Severus had no idea where to look.  He felt this desire to check the child, to ensure that he was asleep, and comfortable, but something was also stopping him from doing so.</p><p> </p><p>Minerva's musings were a helpful distraction.  "We have six weeks, approximately, until the end of the summer holidays.  That is six weeks where we could hide this.  Filius, how long do you need?"</p><p> </p><p>"I will find something as fast as possible, Minerva; assuming, of course, it is not a potion which could help, as that would be Severus' realm."</p><p> </p><p>Severus snapped back to the present when he heard the mention of his name - his mind had been wandering to why he felt some strange sense of peace at the warmth of the little body curled around his upper torso - "I - yes - I will be straight on it when I return to my dungeons.  I have not heard of anything - but that does not mean it is impossible."  He realised he was speaking quietly.  Minerva's eyes hovered on the child. "What to do with Albus, though?  A school during the summer holidays is no place for a child; but arguably, there is no one we could trust where he could stay and be safe." </p><p> </p><p>The remainder of her sentences blurred as Severus fought the urge to rest his cheek against Albus' hair - he imagined it might be slightly fluffy - it certainly looked fluffy -</p><p> </p><p>"I shall take your silence as agreement, then, Severus, so that is settled."  Minerva stood, and Severus narrowed his eyes, "Pardon?  What?"</p><p> </p><p>"You can look after Albus - it is clear that he knows you and remembers you - "</p><p> </p><p>"No!"</p><p> </p><p>" - And then the rest of us will focus on a cure that does not require a potion - "</p><p> </p><p>"Minerva!"</p><p> </p><p>" - And we must ensure the Dark Lord, and any of Albus' other enemies, do not find out about this."</p><p> </p><p>"I am not taking him!"  Severus straightened his back, and rebalanced himself when the child shifted position - "Not at all."</p><p> </p><p>Minerva folded her arms over her emerald chest in a manoeuvre that Severus recognised, "He obviously feels safe with you, Severus.  You could take him to Diagon Alley - "</p><p> </p><p>"What?!  In broad daylight!?  What would he need to go to Diagon Alley for?!"</p><p> </p><p>"Both of you, not just Albus.  Then just look after him in your rooms - I doubt he will be much trouble, Severus - "</p><p> </p><p>"I am not - I have no idea about looking after children - Minerva - I - you are the mother figure!"  His loud tone led to more restlessness.  Minerva was watching Albus, over him, "Severus, your tone."</p><p> </p><p>"My tone?!  I think this is some sort of plot - some fiendish plot - and you are all in on it - especially you - Minerva!"</p><p> </p><p>She paid him no immediate  heed.  Her eyes was still on Albus.  "I am now Headmistress of Hogwarts, Severus, I have so, so, so many things to do."</p><p> </p><p>He looked down without really thinking about it.  "He is not my responsibility, Minerva!  I don't want him! I don't - "  There was the slightest tremble in that bottom lip and those large blue eyes sparkled now, but not in an amused way, they sparkled because the light from the chandelier above them was reflected off tears, welling, and long eyelashes were the only defence against them spilling and Severus knew the battle was lost - it had been lost the moment Minerva had put Albus into his arms - "I - oh that's very good, Albus, I will remember that when you are back - "  His tone softened, "Fine.  Diagon Alley.  Whatever for?"</p><p> </p><p>Minerva grinned, brightly, "I would have thought that would have been obvious, Severus!  Toy shopping, of course?  He's a child!"</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Four:</span> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Severus found himself not one hour later stood outside Oboe's Obletamentum in Diagon Alley, one hand holding onto Albus' as the child stood patiently beside him.  Severus had been never been in this shop; in fact he had never been in a toy shop, in either the Wizarding World or the Muggle world.  He knew of this shop of course; trip to Diagon Alley with his mother had meant more than one wistful look at the whimsical displays, but they had never entered through the candy cane striped doors.  He looked down at the boy, who looked back with those eyes, and he steeled himself.  "Very well.  I do not know what to buy a child, so hopefully you are able to help me.  Come on."  They walked into the shop, Severus ducking his head when a couple and a little girl came out, laughing and joking and doing all those things happy families did.</p><p> </p><p>The Obletamentum, which Severus reflected was a very unoriginal simple translation from the Latin for 'amusement', stretched over three higgledy-piggledy crooked floors with what he thought to be quite inappropriate stairs between them, considering it was a shop for children.  There was quite the cacophony of noise from laughing to crying to shouting and Severus considered running for cover because he found himself to be totally out of his depth and he did not know where to turn nor look nor what to search for.  Albus was offering no help, looking around in wonder with a slightly parted mouth, before he looked up to Severus with a smile that Severus was sure he would never forget.  "Well?  Child?  Go on - go and run off like other children do - "</p><p> </p><p>"Can I help you, Sir?!" </p><p> </p><p>He jumped a foot at the loud voice behind the pair of them and turned to be greeted by a young woman with a smile even more brilliant than Albus, and a shop uniform that Severus presumed had blinded him for life, such were the colours and contrasts of the blues and the greens and the purples and the oranges.  "I - just - "</p><p> </p><p>"Oh and who is this little sweetheart?!"  She exclaimed - Severus presumed every sentence would be an exclamation - kneeling down so she was eye level with Albus.  "You are absolutely gorgeous.  I bet Daddy is very proud of you." </p><p> </p><p>Severus stiffened, "No - not - he's my - er - nephew, actually - 'da' - "  No, he could not - "His father is away for the week and I am - looking after him - and we thought toy shopping was a good idea - "</p><p> </p><p>She took all this quite easily in her stride, "Well - what would you like to look at - child?'</p><p> </p><p>Severus had asked Albus this a total of five times and he had not answered - but now, the little boy moved closer to the woman to whisper something.  She listened most intently, and then whispered something back, and then this entire whispered conversation was happening before Severus and he felt very much like an outsider and he found himself looking away, focusing on a myriad of boxes on a display opposite. </p><p> </p><p>"I think the third floor is where you are looking for, sir."  She straightened and smiled at him, but gave no explanation as to why. </p><p> </p><p>"Third floor.  Of course.  Thank you."  Severus took Albus' hand gently and the boy followed in his footsteps up to the third floor, while Severus pondered why Albus would not speak to him.  He had more whispered to the woman, of course, but - still - Severus examined the funny feeling in his chest and decided that 'funny' could be more accurately replaced with 'hurt'.  Albus - the grown Albus - had always talked to him, in fact, he had a maddening ability to always talk to Severus whether Severus wanted to be, or not.  He almost definitely wanted it now.</p><p> </p><p>The third floor, Severus quickly realised, was the equivalent of an animal kingdom.  Of stuffed animals; of the soft, and to his knowledge, cuddly variety.  There were, hyperbole aside, thousands of them.  "Well."  They stood together, dwarfed by the displays, and Severus narrowed his eyes, "Do you want to go find one that you like?"  He let go of the hand - well, he tried to, but Albus did not let him.  "Fine - fine - do you want to show me one?"</p><p> </p><p>Two moments later found him being led by a - what, five-year-old - six-year-old? - Albus through the rows of shelves - he was glad that the floor appeared empty apart from them - Albus stopped very suddenly and Severus almost tripped over him, and while Albus scrutinised the masses of fabric, Severus looked around too.   His eyes caught on a soft toy made from orange and black and -</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Now Severus, where is Sooty?"  His mother was tucking him in.  "See, you're lying on him - oh dear - "  She whipped Sooty out and, with a whisk of her hand, Sooty came to life, rubbing his head with his paws and pretending to poke Severus in his ribs as Severus snuggled down into the covers.  "Poor Sooty - think Sev should kiss it better, don't you?"  Sooty ventured over to Severus and sat on his chest, and through the unkempt curtain of black hair either side of his face, Severus leaned forward and kissed Sooty on the head.  Sooty moved to return it, and Severus giggled - his mother's smile was so bright and brilliant - but when they both heard the noise of the door slamming, he saw it tighten, saw her jaw tighten, saw her whole body tighten - "Good night, little Sev.  Sooty and I love you."  She kissed his forehead and then he was left in the darkness, with the now lifeless Sooty beside him - he cowered now, under the blankets, pulling them up over his head, keeping Sooty safe too.  He heard noise outside the door - "Leave him, Toby, he's asleep - don't wake him up - "  He pulled at Sooty's fur until he remembered that his mother said he would lose patches, and finally footsteps stomped away.  He peeked out from under the blankets, one hand tugging them down from his face.  Sooty cuddled close to his face, brushing his cheek with a furry paw, and Severus turned over so his back was to the door and he could focus on Sooty - "I love you, and Mother."  He whispered to the bear, and he whispered, and whispered, and whispered, until he finally fell asleep - </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Severus swallowed the rather significant lump that had appeared in his throat as the memory faded into nothing.  The hand puppet had never made it to Hogwarts.  Severus had decided that his passage to the famous school was when he would grow up, and no powerful wizard would have a hand puppet - so Sooty had stayed at home - and at Hogwarts, when he had hidden under the blankets and felt the tears burn, how he would have given anything for soft caress of the bear then, or to have his mother dream up adventures that Sooty and Severus went on.</p><p> </p><p>He did not like to think of the bear on the landfill in Manchester somewhere, buried under piles and piles and decades and decades of - rubbish -</p><p> </p><p>A hand was tugging his.  He came back to himself with a jerk and looked down at Albus.  "Hello.  What do you have there?" </p><p> </p><p>A phoenix.</p><p> </p><p>Of course it was a phoenix.  A rather large soft toy phoenix, Severus had to admit.  "Excellent choice, Albus.  Fawkes will be thrilled to have competition."  It appeared as though this phoenix would be rather more amicable than the fire bird that Severus had argued with a multitude of times over the years, and had also faced that rather sharp beak on a few occasions too.  "So a soft toy.  What else do children like to do?"  He asked Albus, not expecting a response.  Albus tugged at his hand and Severus remembered what the woman had done so he knelt down on the shop floor, so they were eye to eye.  "Help me - I do not know what to do -"</p><p> </p><p>The blue eyes rested on his.  Severus reached out to tuck a little of the auburn hair back behind Albus' ear, "I didn't have much of a childhood - but while you are in this state, I want you to be happy - so help me - what would make you happy, now?"</p><p> </p><p>Albus smiled.  Little perfect teeth showed between those pink lips.  Severus knew that he was reflecting the expression.  "Go on, tell me."</p><p> </p><p>Albus leaned up to his ear, and he heard two words whispered, and he wondered if perhaps Albus' mind had not been de-aged at all.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Five:</span> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Fortesque's Parlour was busy, as it was a Saturday, but Severus had managed to find a table toward the back of the parlour where he could put the bags - yes, bags, as Albus had shown interest in rather a few other items while they had fought their way to the tills, giant phoenix in hand.  It was more like a booth, he supposed, than a table - and now they were both sat opposite each other, with ice cream in sundae style glasses.  Severus could barely see Albus over said sundae dish, which was filled with blue and pink ice cream because of course it was, and more rainbow sprinkles than Severus thought necessary.  Albus had clearly worked some magic over the server who had offered everything and anything under the sun in response to that smile, while Severus had stuck simply with two scoops of chocolate ice cream and maybe a little chocolate sauce to liven things up. </p><p> </p><p>The boy was still not chatty, but Severus preferred that.  He watched Albus and the long spoon designed to reach the bottom of the dish, before casting his attention around the parlour.  There were lots of families, but no one seemed to cast him a second glance, and maybe that was because he did not seem to stand out like an overgrown bat.  He pushed a pink napkin toward Albus, "You have blue all over your face."  He said carefully, fighting the shadow of the smile he had expressed before.  Maybe Minerva was right.  Maybe this would be easy after -</p><p> </p><p>A very familiar presence alerted him.  He sat straight and looked to the door and saw familiar blonde hair - Fortescue's was not the favourite haunt of only Albus - "Shit!" He pulled his travelling cloak from his shoulders and cast his attention to Albus, "Child - you need to trust me now - do you trust me - "  Unyielding, unwavering blue eyes that he stared at before he covered the child with his cloak and moved Albus closer to the parcels.  Lucius had still not seen him - so he tucked the phoenix under the cloak too - and then sat back in the chair before Lucius would become aware of his aura, willing himself to be calm, and not nervous -</p><p> </p><p>"Severus!"</p><p> </p><p>Liquid charming surprise.</p><p> </p><p>He turned, as if pleasantly pleased, "Lucius!  Long time."</p><p> </p><p>"No see!"  The Malfoy patriarch made his way over to Severus, glaring at a family when they did not respond quickly enough to his movements and relocate their bags.  "Narcissa was talking of you only this morning."</p><p> </p><p>Severus stretched the smile into something more genuine, "Really?"  He watched as Lucius sat dangerously close to the cloak and pile of bags.  Lucius regarded it, and Severus felt his heart catch in his chest, "Have you been shopping, Severus?"</p><p> </p><p>"Yes."  Severus nodded.</p><p> </p><p>"In the toy shop?"  Lucius gestured to the logo on the bags, and Severus found himself nodding again, "Yes - a friend - from - Potions - "  Able to lie to the Dark Lord Voldemort fluidly, and this was his performance?! "Potions conference, has a child with them, so I thought it would be nice - I am hoping they might endorse my latest potion creation to the governing body, and therefore - "</p><p> </p><p>"Of course - flattery and generosity."  Lucius nodded, "You learned from the best there, Severus."</p><p> </p><p>"I did."  Severus inclined his head.  Lucius had, in Severus' youth, been very generous.</p><p> </p><p>"I will not keep you, as it is clear you have company, too."</p><p> </p><p>Ice water hit Severus' stomach, and he reached for the glass bottle of brown liquid to cover his dread, "Pardon?"</p><p> </p><p>"Well - I doubt this ice cream is yours, Severus - who are you with?"  Lucius regarded the half-finished sundae glass with curiosity.  He narrowed his eyes before Severus could respond, and Severus tensed unwillingly, "Severus - you are not - courting - are you?"</p><p> </p><p>Severus choked on the fizzy drink that he had swallowed to hide his sudden fear.</p><p> </p><p>Lucius burst into laughter, "You are!  You are courting!  Where is she?!"  Blonde hair flicked as Lucius looked around delightedly - Severus wiped his lips with the napkin, "Well - she went to - what do women do - what does Narcissa do with her nose?"</p><p> </p><p>"Powder it?"</p><p> </p><p>"Powder it - yes - ten minute ago."  Severus turned his voice a little duller, "I think perhaps my musings about the importance of balance in ice cream flavours did not go down so well."</p><p> </p><p>"Ah."  Lucius grinned, "Well - if she cannot appreciate that subtlety about you, Severus, she is not worth it.  I did not realise you were looking to court; I am sure Narcissa can find a perfectly suitable - ah, suitor, if you will - from a lovely family."</p><p> </p><p>Severus straightened more, "I think, after this incident, solitude is my preferred state, Lucius.  Do not let me keep you; I am sure you have many Ministry themed things to be doing."</p><p> </p><p>"I do, I do.  Apparently - there is - "  Lucius leaned close, and Severus did too, to act the pretence, "News.  Interesting news, that our mutual friend may share with us very soon."</p><p> </p><p>He raised an eyebrow, "How intriguing."</p><p> </p><p>"I know.  I know not what, yet, but interesting, most interesting.  Enjoy the rest of your day shopping, Severus." </p><p> </p><p>He watched Lucius leave the shop, and then he watched Lucius walk up the street, and then he watched until he could not see Lucius any more, and then he pulled the cloak away from the child who was cuddled up very close with the toy phoenix, not looking at him.  "I'm sorry - we need to go - we cannot be seen.  No one can know, Albus."  He stood, aware that one of his hands was still shaking, and the worry did not assuage when Albus still stayed a distance from him.  "Albus, please.  I will explain later - although I am sure you do understand - come on, come with me.   Please?"  He held out a hand, and eventually Albus took it, not letting go of the phoenix.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Six:</span> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>"Are you all right, Severus?"</p><p> </p><p>Minerva had felt the presence of the two wizards, one of course in child form, return to Hogwarts - so she greeted them in the entrance hall, although her immediate pride and happiness turned slightly sour when she saw the look on Severus' face, and the fact Albus trailed a footstep behind, face looking down at the ground.  Severus exhaled as she crossed to him, taking the bags off him and putting them down.  She started when Albus hid behind her.  "What happened?"  She soothed the boy's hair, seeing the flash of hurt on Severus' face.</p><p> </p><p>"Lucius was in Diagon Alley - we were having ice cream and I covered Albus with the cloak to keep him safe - I don't think he liked being in the dark, and I am not sure if he trusts me now."  Severus rubbed his shoulder nervously, "He has been like that since.  I - I just - I was trying to keep him safe - "</p><p> </p><p>Minerva looked down to Albus, who was watching Severus from the half safety of her robe.</p><p> </p><p>"I cannot do this, Minerva - it is too dangerous - you know what I am - "  He shook his head, a frown passing over his forehead, "I am not cut out for this - my parenting skills are lacking, both in terms of practical experience and learned experience.  I do not know how to look after a child."  He folded his arms now, "I need Albus - old, brilliant, daft Albus.  He is my - “ So many words could finish that sentence.  "Anchor."  He settled on.  "He does the looking after.  Of me."</p><p> </p><p>Minerva nodded her understanding.  Severus turned to walk away toward the dungeons.  He stopped when he heard her voice again.  "I think..."  He could see her reflection in one of the shiny suits of armour - maybe the House Elves did do things around the castle - she had moved to kneel before Albus.  "I think Severus needs looking after, Albus.  Do you think you could do that?  Could you look after him?"  She squeezed the little boy's arm, "He does such an important job trying to keep so many people safe - that he forgets to look after himself."  She paused, and looked to Severus now, "Maybe after dinner?"</p><p> </p><p>Severus pretended not to have seen, nor heard, not teared up.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Seven:</span> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Severus sat a considerable distance from the throng of teachers, and one child, at the dinner table.  The soup was one of his favourites, but he seemed to be spending a great deal of time pushing it around the bowl, watching the steam dissipate as it cooled.  If Lucius had seen - if Lucius had seen Albus today - he would have possibly discovered this, it would have been fed back to the Dark Lord, and then clearly the Dark Lord if this was not part of his plot - and Severus still suspected it was not - would have summoned his ranks and the child would have been brought to him and -</p><p> </p><p>Severus flinched at the possibilities. </p><p> </p><p>He needed to research. </p><p> </p><p>He watched the teachers - particularly the female teachers - entertain the young Albus and he felt a flare of envy that he tried to ignore.  He, admittedly, had enjoyed today.  Perhaps that why he was pushing his soup around the bowl.  He had enjoyed today, he had felt needed, and then he had ruined it - not intentionally - but he had trapped a child, in the dark, with no reassurance.  Of course, Albus was scared of him.  Severus hated it when people feared him, as in genuinely feared him, because they thought he could genuinely do them harm.  He certainly did not want Albus, child or otherwise, fearing him. </p><p> </p><p>He tipped the filled spoon back into the bowl and watch the orange liquid splash and create ripples.  His book was not capturing his attention either, brought as a distraction device so they did not think he was watching, though of course he was. </p><p> </p><p>He was about to get up to go, when he realised he had company.  Someone had sat – no, clambered – into the chair next to him.  “Hello, Albus.”  Albus watched him.  “I am sorry about earlier – I did not mean to scare you.”  He leant on the table so they were closer in height, careful so his hair did not brush the cold and thickening soup, “I had to protect you – I will always protect you.”  Those blue eyes kept a hold of his. “Always, Albus.”</p><p> </p><p>He thought Albus might be able to respond, and instead, there was a rather large yawn for such a little child.  “Yes – bed time, I think.  Come on.” </p><p> </p><p>The Great Hall was very silent and he glared at the audience over Albus’ head as the pair hopped down, “Enjoying this, are you?”</p><p> </p><p>There was simply twinkling, very Albus like, in return.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Eight:</span> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>A practical issue made itself known to Severus as he opened the door to his office, a noticeably tired Albus now in his wake.  “We will tuck you into bed, and then I will sleep on the sofa.”  That seemed fairer; and after all, he spent considerable time in the sofa in Albus’ office when returning from the Dark Lord.  He gestured in the general direction so Albus could amble off that way, and then nearly tripped over the bags from earlier that someone had dropped off.  He rescued the phoenix from the nearest bag, straightening the soft plumage, before following Albus.</p><p> </p><p>Colour on the dark grey bedspread caught his attention.  Pyjamas.  Albus sized pyjamas, in royal blue with gold dragons embroidered across.  Clearly someone on the staff had had a productive afternoon.  He gave them to Albus, trusting the child was able to dress himself, busying himself in his study.  He needed to write down a list of the potential texts for a cure.  Never had he played with any magic, potion or other, that considered time or age or vitality – he had no strengths in this matter.  Would he even be happy to risk Albus trying it, if he did brew something?  There were no other test subjects… what if he got it wrong?  What if Albus was stuck in this form forever; or what if he did irreversible damage?  He pressed down hard with his quill, the nib snapped, and he threw it down with an uttered curse.</p><p> </p><p>Movement in the doorway attracted his attention.  Albus was stood, in his pyjamas, although Severus noticed they were not quite buttoned up correctly, one hand holding his phoenix.  “Come on then, let’s get you tucked in.”  The bed was a good deal higher than Severus had ever considered, and he carefully lifted Albus to sit him atop the blankets.  “Go on, go and snuggle under those.”  He watched the boy do exactly that, phoenix still grasped in a small fist.  The image of the boy, swallowed up by the greys and greens, amused Severus even as he shifted the pillow slightly.  “There.  Comfortable?”  He secured the blankets, and then helped Albus to moved the phoenix atop the covers, not too far away.  “I will just be in the next room, if you need me.” </p><p> </p><p>He was reminded of the very reverse of this situation. Albus would always reach out and touch his hair, and he used that as his excuse for why his fingers stroked the auburn hair gently, carefully, “Sleep well.”  He was almost to the door when there was a response.  “Stay, Sev’rus.”  He stilled.  The murmur had been so quiet he could have imagined it, he could have conjured it, but would he had made up the dropping of the second syllable in his name – he turned, “Pardon?”</p><p> </p><p>A voice, once more, from the bed.  “Please?”</p><p> </p><p>There was the slightest tremble in that one word, and he –</p><p> </p><p>He was back by the bed, wasn’t he, pulling a chair to the side of the mattress so he could sit in it, picking one of the many blankets from the top of the duvet to rest over his legs.  “Only until you fall asleep.”</p><p> </p><p>Albus’ smile echoed his inner thought of, “Futile.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Nine:</span> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The next day dawned very bright and very sunny.   Heat seemed to pervade even his precious dungeons, and thirty minutes spent over the cauldron while Albus napped late was too much for him, and he had to surrender until the evening when it would be cooler. </p><p> </p><p>That at least was his excuse for why, an hour later, he found himself sat outside under a large oak tree, with Minerva, and Albus chasing butterflies before them with a net Hagrid had leant them. </p><p> </p><p>“Sleep well, then, Severus?”  Minerva remarked, and Severus’ sideways glance suggested he was seeing through her little pretence, “Why, did you pop by?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, of course not.  Albus suggested at breakfast that you stayed with him.”</p><p> </p><p>“He asked me to stay with him.”  Severus responded.  “Actually, no, he asked, ‘Sev’rus’ to stay with him.”</p><p> </p><p>Minerva laughed gleefully, “A nickname!  That’s wonderful!”</p><p> </p><p>Severus ruffled at her laughter, “It’s – “</p><p> </p><p>“Adorable, yes.  Even more so that you responded to it.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s Albus – what else am I supposed to do?  So yes, I fell asleep in the chair not long after him – and woke a few hours later and then it seemed pointless to sleep on the sofa.”  His eyes tracked the waving of the net.  “Why does he speak so little to me?”</p><p> </p><p>Minerva leaned against the trunk of the oak, rolling her sleeves up, “Well, I think there is a very obvious answer to that, Severus.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really?  What?  Enthral me with your acumen.”</p><p> </p><p>“It is as you say, it is still Albus.”</p><p> </p><p>“Riddles, woman.  Explain yourself further.”</p><p> </p><p>“I will let you think about it, I think.  We do enjoy seeing our resident Potions Master stumped, ‘Sev’rus’.”</p><p> </p><p>He mumbled something that sounded rather like two words, one very uncouth, before he folded his arms despite the heat, “Why don’t you go join Albus?  I believe cats like to chase butterflies, do they not?”</p><p> </p><p>She was already standing, “We do – “  She was walking away before she turned back, “Albus only speaks when he needs to, Severus.  If he is not talking to you, perhaps he thinks it is because you already know?”</p><p> </p><p>In response to such sentimentality, Severus ripped a fist of grass out of the ground and started to shred it into his lap.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He heard footsteps, coming up the stairs – he knew that those footsteps would step over her body in the hallway – and here he was, knelt by the bed – shaking, trembling, whispering over and over and over again, a promise, an oath, a litany, a lullaby – and when the footsteps paused and he whirled to face, arms flung out, protective, defending, saving – and there was green light – it was not painless -</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>He jerked awake with a cough and a startled shout – which caught the attention of the witch and child playing a little distance away – pain – what was the pain – his arm – his left arm –</p><p> </p><p>He looked down to where the Mark twisted and shifted and Minerva had come a little closer as he leapt to his feet, one hand grasping his wrist, “I have to go.”</p><p><br/>
Her expression tightened as she nodded, “Be safe.”</p><p> </p><p>He glanced to Albus, just once, how he always would before a Summons – there was usually some uttered, three-word, short sentiment from Albus, which he never responded to, but this time he offered the unspoken promise to Albus, “I will be back.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Ten:</span> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The circle of Death-Eaters seemed smaller tonight.  Severus took his usual place, three away from the head of the circle, so positioned because it gave him the ability to see everyone else and then pass feedback to the Dark Lord regarding loyalty and truth telling and usefulness.  It also meant that he was far enough away from the Dark Lord that Voldemort could carry out the exact same analysis of him.  As a result, he was endlessly impassive, mind perfectly clear, and the strange occurrences of the last twenty-four hours were a distant memory, if that.</p><p> </p><p>“I have -” Lord Voldemort sounded triumphant.  “News.” </p><p> </p><p>Severus was distantly aware that there was fresh blood on the carpets.  This was never a good sign. </p><p> </p><p>“But.”  The Dark Lord continued, beginning his customary sweep of the circle.  “I need verification of this news, as I have not been able to attain such through my usual sources.”  He paused ahead of Severus, “You should be able to provide me with what I seek, Severus, so ensure you are paying the closest attention.”</p><p> </p><p>Voldemort snapped his fingers, “I have one of our Ministry officials with us, for this.  They will say what they have told me, already, and then Severus will verify it for me.”</p><p> </p><p>The fact that only Severus could verify the information meant it could only be affecting one place.  Hogwarts.</p><p> </p><p>Voldemort smiled in a twisted welcome at the man now collapsed on the floor before him where he had been thrown.  “Tell my friends of your news, Compton.”</p><p> </p><p>But if it was a Ministry official, how could his news be affecting Hogwarts?  Severus felt slightly confused.  This was not clear to him at all.</p><p> </p><p>The man attempted to speak, but no sound came out.</p><p> </p><p>“I recall, your vocal chords are most likely torn from the test of your information’s validity.”  Lord Voldemort shook his head, “I will have to inform our friends, then.  Compton here.”  A bare foot indicated the official, “Tells me that Albus Dumbledore appears to have befallen a strange enchantment which has put him in the body of a child.”</p><p> </p><p>So not a plot then, Severus surmised.</p><p> </p><p>Voldemort turned, “My Hogwarts spy – I’d have thought – would have had the forethought to inform me of this latest development and yet here you stand.  Thoughts, Severus?”</p><p> </p><p>“I would have supposed that clear, my Lord.  The information is incorrect.  I have just been with Dumbledore and I can assure you, aside from his pathetic sense of humour, he is most certainly not a child.”  His voice was calm, composed, as his lies always were; it was when Severus told the truth that the foundations were threatened.  Voldemort considered him.  “Severus; I promised Compton that, if he were found to be a liar, which is what you are suggesting, then I would…” He paused, “I believe ‘decimate’ was the word I used.  So, I will ask one more time; can you verify this information?”</p><p> </p><p>Severus’ reply was instant, “Compton should pay the price for lying to the Dark Lord.  I have been with Dumbledore, and he wished me well before I attended here, as he is a sentimental fool blinded by love, as we are aware, my Lord.”</p><p> </p><p>“Show me.”  Voldemort demanded – but just before he made eye contact with Severus, he was clearly aware of something else in the circle, some other presence, not of a person, but perhaps of an emotion, “I sense – confusion.  I sense – intrigue.”  He straightened, and Severus continued to add to his memory, layers of emotions that were both genuine and artificial, carefully constructing the lie.  “Lucius – speak.”</p><p> </p><p>“My Lord.”  Lucius wavered once he had announced the title, and Severus imagined a dark blue ocean, perfectly calm on the surface, with all of the emotions forced away, far, far, far beneath.  “I – was just considering – I saw a – Hogwarts professor in Diagon Alley – with a strangely conspicuous amount of toys…”</p><p> </p><p>“Toys, Lucius?”  Voldemort cast his attention back to Severus, who raised an eyebrow beneath his mask, knowing it would add the right amount of sharpness and venom to his tone, “And as I explained, Lucius, they were for a visiting family – to me – of whom I wished to impress, so they would endorse my latest potions proposal.”  He returned his attention to the Dark Lord, “My Lord knows that I must keep my pretence of submitting potions to maintain my pretence for the Ministry.”</p><p> </p><p>If he had not been with Lord Voldemort, advisor and servant, for as long as he had been, he would have fallen foul of the Legilimency trick that had led to the demise of so many others over the years.  Voldemort needed no incantation, and at times he did not even need eye contact, and he was inside Severus’ memories before the other had tangible proof, rifling through the last few days – and how carefully Severus responded, images of seeing Lucius in Diagon Alley, of asking the woman for help, entertaining an almost faceless child and couple at his house in Cokeworth, and finally Albus looking on in concern as Severus looked down at his arm, and the gentle farewell that was not sentimental.  Voldemort nodded in satisfaction, although disappointment creeped across the serpentine face, “I thought it too good to be true.”</p><p> </p><p>He regarded Compton.  “I should not have believed, Compton, that you were anywhere near a meeting with the Minister and Dumbledore, and that you had heard Fudge speaking to a child – unless, of course, it is Dumbledore’s juvenile humour the Minister heard, as Severus so icily references.”  He raised his wand, and then lingered.  “In fact – Severus – you are correct – Compton should be punished, for lying to the Dark Lord.  Punished most severely.”  He gestured to the man, and stepped away, and Severus realised all too worrying that the Dark Lord was clearing the way for – him.</p><p> </p><p>“My Lord?”</p><p> </p><p>“He put you in peril, Severus – but Compton – and to an extent Lucius – do not appreciate the very depths of your loyalty – and how you will demonstrate it now, as you punish Compton.”</p><p> </p><p>The ocean in his mind rippled, and he wanted to drown himself under its calm surface, but instead, he knew he was simply stepping forward, and he was drawing his wand, and he was summoning whatever rage lingered in his very soul to…</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Eleven:</span> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Severus skulked across the Entrance Hall, keeping to the shadows, hood up over his head.  He thought perhaps he had managed when there was a voice, but of course it was not the voice he craved, and on reflection maybe on his way back from the gathering he had lingered too long in his constructed memories that Albus had been there to send him off, and therefore would have been waiting for him when he got home.  “Severus?”</p><p> </p><p>He stopped but would not remove himself from the shadows.  “Minerva.  I need to rest.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you hurt?” She ventured, and he heard her footsteps announce her, closer to him, but they were solitary.   “No.”  He needed her to stay where she was, until he could at least clean himself up.  She hesitated, and he knew she was wondering what Albus would do, and she had never really been here – Albus protected his knowledgeable staff from evidence of what occurred at Death-Eater gatherings, or perhaps he protected Severus from the prying and caring, when Severus was at his most vulnerable.  “Are you sure?”  She continued, “Because I can smell blood.”</p><p> </p><p>He knew his hands were trembling.  This was <em>not</em> how Albus would do it.  Albus would know to just leave him, now, here.  His emotions threatened – “Where is Albus?”</p><p> </p><p>“Upstairs in my office – Severus – “</p><p> </p><p>He swallowed, but no amount of trying stopped him turning, and snarling harshly at her, “It is not <em>my</em> blood.”  He watched her flinch, how they all flinched, and he was horrified at his eyes burning hot and white, “Leave me alone.”  He hoped the slamming of the door between the hall and the staircase would give her all the motivation she needed to not spend any time with him, dirty and impure that he was. </p><p> </p><p>It did not explain why he slammed every door, except perhaps it made his head ache in a more pronounced and sharper manner, and it reminded him that he could actually feel.  Safe in his office, but not safe from the lights, he glared at the mixture of red and black that stained his hands and arms and the rest of his body, glared at his shaking fingers, glared at the lights, glared at the bathroom door, glared at the haphazard tiles, glared at the pile of stripped robes, glared at the scaled shower head, glared at his reflection, glared at the floor as he collapsed to his bare knees, glared at the marks on the toilet seat, sobbed into his arms. </p><p> </p><p>He had not killed Compton.  Lord Voldemort had done that.  His final mercy.  But Severus had done just as much; Voldemort had been so impressed when vocal chords he thought were ripped and broken and shattered produced sound once more, torn from Compton by Severus’ oh so clever use of Dark curses.  He listened to his ragged breathing echoing strangely from the marble basin and fought for some sort of stability, some sort of sanity, some sort of solace.  Wandless magic caused water to spurt from the shower and he gave it a moment, under the pretence of waiting for it to be hot, when in truth he needed the moment to find the strength for his legs and knees and feet and back. </p><p> </p><p>But eventually the water soothed, and the water washed, and the water restored, and the water repaired.  His mask, mended.  His soul, settled.  He would put the memories away in the darkest, most secret part of his mind, the room where the darkest moments were, all done in the shadow of the greater good, Albus’ greater good.  Done for love.</p><p> </p><p>His damp hair was cool against his neck as he sat at his desk, looser fitting shirt and a pair of silk trousers Lucius had given him many years ago – which still fit, he reminded himself – gentle against his scrubbed skin.  He observed the pile of books, a new quill in hand, and parchment before him.  De-aging potions.  This would surely be easy.  Someone, some dunderhead or some fool, who had written most of these texts, would have to have tried to reclaim youth.  Perhaps someone who had particular vengeances to enact would have conjured the reverse.  He rifled through the pages and indexes, scribbling his fast scrawl across the parchment until the clock behind him chimed eight, and there was with remarkable punctuality a knock at his door.  He could ignore it, he supposed, but he was not likely to be anywhere else.  “Yes?”</p><p> </p><p>Minerva entered and she was not alone – obviously she was not alone.  “Good evening, Severus.  Feeling better?”</p><p> </p><p>He was distinctly aware that her fine feline senses would detect the smell of peppermint and he returned his attention to his work to hide the blush.  “Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“I think this one may have missed you.”  She said gently, gesturing to Albus, who was stood by her side, wearing his pyjamas once again, and this time holding both a phoenix and a book.  Severus had surmised all this from a glance, but for reasons he did not consciously know, he had avoided looking at those eyes.  “I am busy trying to find a solution for said situation, Minerva.”</p><p> </p><p>“I am sure Albus can sit here quietly with you, Severus?  I really must attend to some business.”  She seemed nervous and he realised he may have hurt her earlier.  She had only been trying to help, and how was she supposed to know what to say to a man who was torn apart fighting for one side that demanded he fulfil the diabolical whims of the other side.  Apologising was not in his nature; but for Severus, an acquiesce was held of the same accord, “Very well.”  He responded to her, and there was the faintest smile which she certainly detected, as she returned it more brightly.  She patted Albus on the head – which he would ensure Albus never forgot when things were returned to normal – and the child sat in the chair opposite Severus’ desk and opened his book.</p><p> </p><p>Severus continued to read as Minerva left them to it, but something seemed off.  He raised his head from his book and contemplated Albus, trying to work out what it was – there was a familiar crease to the unfamiliarly smooth forehead, and the small fingers clutched at the pages of the book.  Ah.  The book was upside down.  He reached over to right it, and for a moment their gazes met, and if he had been thinking about attempting to access Albus’ mind it must have been involuntary, but subconscious intent was still intent – and still he was ensconced in that whirlwind, but this time he forced himself to be steady.  He reached out amidst the chaos, searching for any presence of Albus – but although he could feel no response, like the frown, it was, familiar.  Albus was there – somewhere – and that very thought comforted Severus until he realised he was selfishly taking advantage to fill his own void and he broke the connection, feeling ashamed even if Albus did not appear to have noticed as he looked at the words and pictures in his book. </p><p> </p><p>Severus was tired.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”</p><p> </p><p>The way Albus clutched the book to bed, and in bed, made it clear to Severus that he had yet another duty to perform for the leader of the Light tonight, though admittedly it was a little more pleasant than torturing a man to near death – and he decided that he would rather need the distraction that was masquerading as Albus’ book.  The problem was, Albus clearly wanted to see the pictures while Severus read, and he could not work out the angle from the chair where he could read fluently and coherently, and Albus could see the pictures and possibly the words – the wizard was a genius and although his mind seemed very confused, Severus refused to believe, for a myriad of reasons, that the older wizard was totally lost in that confusion.  Brilliant or not, Albus was not helping to solve this problem and was playing with his toy phoenix instead.</p><p> </p><p>There was one solution that Severus assumed he would have to undertake.  He stood, climbed past Albus onto the bed, and sat back against the pillows with one arm around the boy, and the other holding the book.  Delighted, obviously delighted, Albus cuddled – yes, cuddled, for there was no other word for it – into Severus’ side and shoulder, looking at the book.  Severus heard himself say, “Can the phoenix see adequately, too?”  Albus moved the phoenix so he could, “Phoenix probably needs a name,” He murmured, more to himself, but Albus responded with, “Felix.”</p><p> </p><p>“Felix the Phoenix.  That has Minerva written all over it.”  Severus moved slightly so he was more comfortable, “Let us have a look at this book then, shall we?  What is called?  Edmund the Unicorn.”  He frowned at the front cover, “That is a ridiculous name for a unicorn, even by the aforementioned feline’s standards.”  He turned the page to find the start of the story, “Well, I predict there will be a happy ending, because it’s a children’s book – I doubt nothing tragic becomes of ‘Edmund’.  Can you see Edmund?”  He was aware of the words coming out of his mouth, but where they were coming from beyond that, he had no idea.  He remembered being read stories, but they were often fast and rushed and secretive.  “Stereotypical opening.  Once upon a time there was a unicorn called…we know what the unicorn is called.  Here he is.”  He turned the page, aware that Albus was looking avidly at the pictures of a cartoon style (this had to be a Muggle book) unicorn on some epic trek through various scantly designed landscapes.  The unicorn, unsurprisingly, met with several strange creatures all with bizarre ulterior motives, which Severus commented on with varying degrees of scathing evaluation, before as he predicted, the unicorn reached the end of his journey and, “Edmund the unicorn lived happily ever after.  Lucky him.  Lucky unicorn.  Unicorns are always lucky.  I…”  Some peculiar snuffling noise interrupted his musings on unicorns, and he realised that Albus was asleep.</p><p> </p><p>On him.</p><p> </p><p>Quite comfortably, on him, as was Felix the Phoenix. </p><p> </p><p>So comfortably, in fact, it was obvious to Severus that he was not able to move without upsetting this perfect balance of comfort. </p><p> </p><p>He appeared to be…trapped.</p><p> </p><p>This was, altogether, not too unpleasant – although he suspected he would begin to lose feeling in his arm before long, and he would wake up with neck pain from half sitting against the headboard but as long as no one saw him like this then –</p><p> </p><p>“Severus?”</p><p> </p><p>…. “Minerva!  Don’t you know how to knock?”</p><p> </p><p>“I did knock!  Twice in fact!  I was concerned something had happened.”  She came to the source of his voice, and stood in the interjoining archway, taking in the scene before her.  He raised his free hand, “Do not say <em>anything</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded, hands held out as if pacifying a wild creature.  Her expression though was more tangible than any spoken words could be and he glared at her even as the child shifted position against him.  She sat in the vacant chair and watched him, clearly not saying anything, even as he continued to glare. </p><p> </p><p>“Has Filius had any luck?”</p><p> </p><p>His direct question permitted her to answer.  “Not yet.  Hopefully soon though, Severus – unless you have had any such joy?”</p><p> </p><p>“No – I have something to try tomorrow, but,” He gestured to Albus, “He will need to be out of the way.  A potions laboratory is no place for a child.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well…” Minerva started, and bravely continued despite his raise of his eyebrow, “He might learn something.  You’re always telling Albus he needs to spend more time studying Potions, and obviously he always reminds you of how he has you to do that for him.”  She paused and regarded Albus with a fond smile, “Constantly complimenting you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just because I do not compliment him does not mean I am utterly soulless, Minerva.” </p><p> </p><p>“Evidently.”  She shot back, her gaze moving to where Severus’ free hand had come to rest on a much smaller fist curled into his shirt.  “I think I shall leave you to it, as clearly you are not going anywhere until the morning.”</p><p> </p><p>“Clearly.” </p><p> </p><p>“We will resolve this, Severus, and you will have your mentor back, soon enough.”</p><p> </p><p>Severus made a non-committal noise in the back of his throat.  His limbs felt heavy, not to mention his eyelids.  “Good night, Minerva.”</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t hear her soft reply.</p><p> </p><p><strong><span class="u">Twelve</span></strong>:</p><p> </p><p>Severus narrowed his eyes most carefully as he focused his vision on the tiny notches on his measuring flask, keeping his pouring hand very, very, very steady and –</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Snap.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“What the –“</p><p> </p><p>He turned to the source of the noise.  In the corner of his laboratory at what Severus considered an adequately safe distance, Albus was playing with some coloured blocks that Minerva had ‘found’. Severus was beginning to assume that Minerva had some stash of Muggle toys somewhere because he recognised the bits of plastic that could connect together to build different structures.  “If you use the instructions,” He called from his workbench, “Then you might be able to build whatever it is you are building.”</p><p> </p><p>Albus did look at him, and then with something that looked like a rather petulantly stubborn expression, continued to build and pushed the instructions further away.</p><p> </p><p>Severus, on the other hand, went back to his recipe.  He looked back to the notches in the flask and finished measuring the liquid, moving to put his gloves on.  “Now – carefully – “  He had a habit of talking to himself while brewing, spending the majority of his private time alone, but now his murmuring was accompanied by the sporadic sounds of plastic clicking together and eventually a page turning every so often.  He tipped the ingredients into the cauldron in order, stirring anti clockwise and counting aloud. </p><p> </p><p>He was suddenly aware of a number of things happening at once.</p><p> </p><p>One, there was a plastic – unicorn, possibly? - suddenly next to his hand on the workbench.</p><p> </p><p>Two, there was a child holding onto the plastic ‘unicorn’ next to his workbench.</p><p> </p><p>Three, the cauldron made a very violent hissing sound.</p><p><br/>
Four, the cauldron started to spew smoke.</p><p> </p><p>Five, he realised the cauldron was about to most likely explode.</p><p><br/>
Six, he appeared to be on the floor, on top of the child.</p><p> </p><p>Seven, there was a suitably loud explosion.</p><p> </p><p>Eight, there was silence.</p><p> </p><p>Nine, still silence.</p><p> </p><p>Once the tenth thing he became aware of was the continuing silence, he lifted his head and scouted the scene, before getting up.  The cauldron appeared to be a twisted mess on the workbench, and the acrid scent of smoke cleared with a distracted wave of his hand.  He helped to pick Albus up off the floor, and the boy regarded him most curiously.  “Albus, I did tell you to stay in the corner of the room.”  Why was he explaining this to Albus Dumbledore, of all people?  “Potions can be dangerous, as we just witnessed.”</p><p> </p><p>Albus stayed quiet for a moment, looking Severus up and down, and then he said, “Sooty.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wh-what did you say?”</p><p> </p><p>Albus pointed to him.  “Sooty.”</p><p> </p><p>Severus stared at Albus for a very long moment, and then realisation melted its way through his clearly addled brain to inform him that Albus was referring to the state of his robes, which were covered in what could be classed as soot from the explosion.  “Y-yes.  Sooty.  Me.  Yes.  Take your – toys – to the living room and wait for me.” </p><p> </p><p>For a second, he thought Albus knew about the orange and black soft toy, and he was not sure how he would ever have been able to live that down.</p><p> </p><p>He came back to the living room, freshly dressed, and found Albus sitting cross legged on the floor surrounded by the plastic blocks.  “What were you trying to build, before you were nearly blown up by my potion?”  Severus had very much the love hate relationship with his potions; he loved them when they worked, hated them when they did not.  It would pass, but for now, he needed a distraction, and this appeared to be the closest thing he would get to one.  He pulled his sleeves up as he sat on the floor too, legs spread out.  It was hot, again, in the dungeons so he cast a hand toward the door to allow a small breeze to permeate from the corridors, “Look, what if we just use the instructions Minerva gave you?  It will help you build – “ He looked at the picture on the front of the paper pamphlet, “Do you even know what a helicopter is, Albus?”</p><p> </p><p>Albus held out his ‘unicorn’.</p><p> </p><p>“I see.  Well.  I think I can do better than your unicorn.”  Severus heard himself saying, starting to collect white bricks from the sizeable piles on the floor.  Albus watched what he was doing with very careful consideration, and then started to choose similar bits.  Severus, ever the Slytherin, and starting to wonder precisely which house Albus had been Sorted into, noticed too.  “Choose your own pieces!”  He moved his pile to behind his right leg so Albus could not see.  “It’s cheating otherwise.”</p><p> </p><p>Both lost in their unicorn building competition, the pair were not aware of the tiny crowd gathering very secretively and furtively at the open doorway.  Minerva held one extended finger over her lips as Pomona and Filius stood the other side of the frame, looking on curiously. </p><p> </p><p>They had to pull back with significant urgency when Severus and Albus showed their unicorns to each other, and Severus had to admit that perhaps Albus’ was quite good… Minerva shook her head as they leaned against the walls, flat, “Who knew Severus could be quite so….<em>paternal</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Two sets of laughter echoed inside the small office, as clearly the two unicorns began to do battle with each other.</p><p> </p><p>“I think he’s just giving Albus what he always wanted.”  Pomona said after a moment, to which Minerva and Filius both looked at her with raised eyebrows, and she shrugged, “I just do not think he had the happiest childhood.”</p><p> </p><p>Minerva’s expression sobered slightly.  “Albus has never forgiven himself for that.  Once he knew.  He has never forgotten and will never forgive himself for missing the signs.” </p><p> </p><p>Filius looked up at them both, “I think I have a solution.  Perhaps another day, maybe two before I am confident enough to try.”</p><p> </p><p>Minerva considered this.  “Let’s not tell Severus just yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tell Severus what?”  Severus voice reached them from the other side of the doorway. </p><p> </p><p>All three jumped, and focused on looking innocent when Severus, with Albus a step behind, came through the open door.</p><p> </p><p>“Tell Severus – “  Pomona started.</p><p> </p><p>“That – “  Minerva continued.</p><p> </p><p>“We have yet to find anything.”  Filius finished.</p><p> </p><p>Severus looked from each of his colleague’s faces.  “Indeed?”</p><p> </p><p>None of them made eye contact with him.  “Fair enough.  Albus and I are going to find some replacement potions ingredients in the forest, since I ruined my first batch an hour ago.”</p><p> </p><p>“Was that the explosion?  Oh, that was a good three hours ago, Severus.”</p><p> </p><p>Severus regarded the acting Headmistress, “Right.  Of course.  I was estimating.  We will be back before nightfall.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Thirteen</span> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Summertime brought light even to the Forbidden Forest, as the Potions Master picked a careful path along an uneven track.  At some point, he had decided that it was easier for Albus to be on his shoulders, and that was how they would be found in a few moments by the creatures that had been following their trail.</p><p> </p><p>Until then, though, they were both blissfully ignorant. </p><p> </p><p>Ignorant and playing “I spy”, apparently.</p><p> </p><p>“Albus, you do have to say yes, if I say what you saw eventually.  You can’t just ignore my answers, and I doubt there are many things that start with a ‘f’.”  Severus shook his head, aware of Albus’ fingers entangled in his hair, “Flora?  That would be advanced for a six year old, but you are not six, you are one hundred and something and the most brilliant wizard of a generation, so maybe flora.  Is it flora?”  He glanced up to Albus and saw auburn waves suggest a shake of the head, again.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine – I am sure I will get it eventually – “  Severus paused.  “Ah.  Blue flowers.  Here we are.  Was it flowers, I have said flowers already, now – “  His second hesitation was more deliberate and determined, and with one hand still on Albus’ ankles he turned to look back where they had come, feeling some sense of urgency.  “Come down, Albus.”  He picked the other up off his shoulders and rested him on the ground, “Stay by the tree, don’t move.”  His hand went for his wand, and he drew it – what time was it – how long had they been out here – it did seem darker – but – “Show yourself.”  He announced to the pathway, but nothing happened.  A hand touched his arm, and he looked down to the child, whose frown was back and it was not an endearing one of concentration.  “I know, I feel it too.  Let me just get the flowers, and then we will go – the Forest is muddling us, I think.”  He knelt down to collect the flowers, aware that the hand moved so it was now touching his shoulder.  “Do not worry.”  He soothed, and there was a tiny reply of, “Not worried.  With Sev’rus.” </p><p> </p><p>His chest blossomed with something bright as he continued putting the flowers into the tiny muslin bag he was carrying.  “There.  Let’s go.”</p><p> </p><p>He held out his hand which Albus took, and then they started back up the path – and Severus knew that whatever it was, was behind them now, and getting closer.  He gripped his wand tighter, and realised he was gripping that small hand tighter still.  His eyes searched their surroundings for a suitable shelter for –</p><p> </p><p>There.  A fallen tree.</p><p> </p><p>Without warning, he pushed Albus toward the fallen tree so the boy was partially hidden, and then whirled, wand ready, “Show yourself!”</p><p> </p><p>“Tetchy, tetchy, wizard.”</p><p> </p><p>Three figures – one woman, two men – stepped from the shadows, almost as if they had materialised from nothing.  Severus took a step back when they advanced, “It is early for your kind.”</p><p> </p><p>“We will make an exception when there is such an exceptional exception.  Give us the child, wizard, and you will not be harmed.”  The lead male said, black hair far longer than Severus’ and far shinier, cascading down his back.  Severus examined the fine yet dated clothing with the light from the trees above, aware that the opponents were staying close to the shadows, “So you can make him undead?  I think not.”</p><p> </p><p>“We do not like the use of that term, wizard.”  The woman announced, sweeping her bright blonde hair back from her eyes and smiling a perfect smile with perfect teeth – too perfect – at him.  “Last chance.”  Her tone was singsong, poetic almost, and Severus took one more step back.  “Over my dead body.”</p><p> </p><p>“We prefer over your drained body, but your choice.” The third lunged for Severus and he moved fast enough to conjure light from his wand, so the creature hissed in response and he leapt back – he needed a moment of space to Apparate, but it was clear the undead knew this and were unwilling to provide him with such an opportunity.  Clearly imbued by the need to claim the child Albus, their collective strength was slightly more than his alone – and he had never been good with physical violence.  When he attempted to blast another against a tree with his wand, the first, and largest, creature knocked him to the ground, and the impact combined with the creature punching Severus’ right wrist hard made him flinch and cry and most crucially drop his wand and as he scrabbled for the weapon and shouted for Albus to run, he saw the glint of a silver blade in the creature’s hand.  He struggled, hard, and his constant writhing meant it was more difficult for the knife to have a clear path, and when his opponent thought he did, aiming of course for Severus’ heart, Severus moved so instead the metal embedded itself deep into his shoulder.  Crying out at the sharpness slicing through skin and muscle, he wrenched his arm away and fingertips coupled with desperate wandless magic brought his weapon back to his hand – in time for him to see the female move toward where Albus was, he hoped, hiding, “No!”  Reunited with his wand, he blasted the creature with the knife away and leapt to his feet, unsteady, “Get away from him.” </p><p> </p><p>Albus had stepped out from where he had been hiding and was facing the female – Severus kept the other two away from the pair of them, “Albus – turn and run – “  Albus was a little too close to the female for Severus to risk any particularly Dark magic, especially with the injury to his shoulder and upper chest making his casting hand tremble beyond its usual rhythm – “Albus – please – “</p><p> </p><p>Blue eyes caught his and there was open defiance –</p><p> </p><p>Pain exploded at the back of Severus’ thigh and he barely reacted to the third undead charging for him, when he moved, the undead managed to grasp the blade and pull, down, and with that Severus fell –</p><p> </p><p>Bright white light erupted, so blinding that even Severus had to bow his head and shield his eyes, even as he tried to see.  Howls and screams announced the dismissal of the creatures even as Severus grasped the back of his leg, contemplating pulling the remaining blade out.  He focused on his breathing instead when that started to stumble, counting the inhale, hold, and exhale, inhale, hold and exhale, and then there was a touch to the side of his face and where his hair stuck to the sweat beading and leaking.  He raised his gaze from the dirt and the child watched him back.  “That was – excellently timed – accidental magic – Albus – “</p><p> </p><p>“Sev’rus.”  Albus’ expression was very worried.  “You should have run.”  Severus whispered.  “You should have gone – if they had killed me –“</p><p> </p><p>“Never.”  Albus replied, very simply, very shortly, very softly.  Severus felt something tight seize in his chest and he cast his eyes back to the dirt, wishing that the fact his eyes were now blurred was simply due to the pain, rather than the pain being a minority contribution when compared to the rush of sentiment – “We need to get back to Hogwarts.”</p><p> </p><p>Each step was an effort, and he asked Albus to hold his wand as a light so the boy was ahead of him and had something to focus on instead of witnessing his ever more pained expression and his rapidly shortening breath.</p><p> </p><p>This time, he was grateful for Minerva’s near constant presence in the Entrance Hall.   He was sure he had left a neat trail of blood from forest to front door but the greeting of her voice, which turned to near worry again when she saw his posture, was the most incredible thing he had felt that day.  “Minerva – Hospital – Wing – “</p><p> </p><p>“What happened?!”  She was there beside him in a moment, propping him upright, looking to the child, “Is Albus hurt?”</p><p> </p><p>“No – he was – brilliant - well timed magic from him – vampires – in the Forest –“</p><p> </p><p>“In our Forest?  It has been such a long time – careful, Severus.”  Each stair was an agony he was not happy to endure, “I know – child – they wanted – Albus – a child with his – potential – “</p><p> </p><p>“Lucky you were there, I think?”  Minerva murmured, watching how the dirtied Albus nodded.  “Well done, Severus.”  She gestured to Albus, “Run to the end of this corridor and let Poppy know we are coming.”</p><p> </p><p>His grip on her shoulder tightened the moment Albus hurried off, “That was close, Minerva.  He is not to leave the castle.”</p><p> </p><p>“You protected him, Severus.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hardly.  I was outnumbered and caught off guard – if they had taken him – “</p><p> </p><p>“But they did not – or you, for that matter – do not think about it now – think about the last thirty steps to the Hospital Wing – “</p><p> </p><p>He was indeed counting them, even as Poppy came running to greet them, “Severus, can you not go just one week without mischief?!”</p><p> </p><p>He leaned heavily on both the women, “I still don’t know what ‘F’ was.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is he delirious?”  Minerva whispered to Poppy, who shook her head in confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“We were – playing – I spy – he did not tell me – what F was – although – right now – I think f – is for – “</p><p> </p><p>Two moments later, Poppy finished the sentence with, “Faint.  Yes.”</p><p> </p><p><strong><span class="u">Fourteen</span></strong>:</p><p> </p><p>Severus stirred to feel a weight on his chest, not necessarily a constricting one.  He mumbled something under his breath, shifting his shoulders and neck and attempting to wiggle his toes and fingers.  When all responded to him, he was at least in one piece.  Something was tickling the very tip of his nose.  He opened his eyes and waited for his vision to focus on auburn.  Auburn hair.  Albus.  He straightened his spine and attempted to sit up.</p><p> </p><p>“Severus.  Good morning.”  Poppy announced, moving to help him, even as Albus stirred too and then attempted to stay asleep.  “How are you feeling?”</p><p> </p><p>“Tired.”  Severus responded, “And I imagine stitched?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, nice and small, as you like.”  Poppy rested the back of her hand against his forehead, “No fever either.  All in a Healer’s work.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, as always.”  He rubbed Albus’ back gently, “Is this one well?”</p><p> </p><p>“He is – would not leave your side – drew for a little bit while we treated you – and then when he went to sleep, he decided to do so on you.”</p><p> </p><p>“It is probably more comfortable than his usual chair, but let’s not encourage this.   When he is back to his usual form, he will be a great deal heavier.”</p><p> </p><p>Poppy lingered.  “Do you know Filius is ready to attempt a reversal today?  The others said they were keeping it from you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I heard them at the door, just pretended not to.” </p><p> </p><p>“Why did you pretend not to hear them?”</p><p> </p><p>Severus did not reply, assuming he had said too much, and playing instead with Albus’ hair.  The boy was fully roused now, and smiled at him, “Sev’rus.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hello Albus.”</p><p> </p><p>Poppy waggled five fingers at him to indicate how much time he had left with this child version of his most beloved friend, and he sat up properly, Albus moving to sit cross legged on the bed too.  “You were very brave in the forest – which does not surprise me Albus – you are always very brave, and I aspire to be like that.”</p><p> </p><p>The boy smiled up at him.</p><p> </p><p>“So, Filius has a way to fix this – which is better than me trying a potion – you will be back to your usual self in no time.” </p><p> </p><p>Albus continued to stare at him and smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I do not really have anything else to say.”  Severus mused, “I probably should but these have been a strange few days.  I imagine I have learned a fair bit, it is just I will not realise until much later.”</p><p> </p><p>Albus nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“You can understand everything I am saying – I know you are in there – will you remember this?  All this?  When you are 112 again?”</p><p> </p><p>No response.</p><p> </p><p>“I…” Severus touched the back of his fingers to Albus cheek, gently, carefully, tenderly, “I hope you do, because I will not forget it.” </p><p> </p><p>One small hand touched his against the cheek.  Severus felt some very strange need to say –</p><p> </p><p>To say <em>those</em> words.</p><p> </p><p><em>Those </em>words.</p><p><br/>
Words that came so easily to Albus, and so not easily to Severus.</p><p> </p><p>When he struggled to articulate them, not because he did not feel them, but because saying them meant so much to him, Albus shook his head and the smile simply widened, and then the boy launched himself into Severus’ arms and although it hurt to hug him, how Severus hugged him back, tightly, so tightly.  He breathed in the sweet scent that reminded him of Fortesque’s, absorbed the warmth that reminded him of embraces long distant and the comforting touch of a soft toy bear, and closed his eyes against the tears that threatened as a result of the sheer desire for this sort of connection, unconditional, unwavering.</p><p> </p><p>Still the words would not come, but then he wondered if – perhaps he was more like his mentor than he realised and maybe – maybe – he should only say what he <em>needed</em> to say and – in this case –</p><p> </p><p>Albus already knew.</p><p> </p><p>So he just held him, and Albus held him, and that was that, until Poppy came back.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Epilogue</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Albus stood by the door, “I shall leave you to it, Severus, if that is what you would prefer?”</p><p> </p><p>“I…” Severus raised himself up from his chair, the back of his leg still remarkably tender, “I have one question left, Headmaster – Albus – but I do not think you will remember.”</p><p> </p><p>“Anything, my boy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds strange for you to say that now – after – anyway – I just wanted to know what the word was, in the I spy game in the forest.  Please tell me you remember.  Please do not tell me it was ‘forest’.”</p><p> </p><p>Albus laughed, that warm chuckle that spread light to Severus’ very core, and he came further into the office, carefully navigating the bits of plastic on the floor, “Severus.  I have already told you what the word was – in fact, I have shown you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You speak in riddles, old man, and you know I do not care for them.”  Severus held out his hands, “Just tell me.”</p><p> </p><p>Albus neared the desk and looked at the picture that Severus had been observing.  “Art was never my strongest skill, though, I feel it’s an excellent likeness of you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I do not scowl, always, Headmaster.”</p><p> </p><p>“You are now, my dear.”</p><p> </p><p>“What was the word?”</p><p> </p><p>Albus smiled, and turned the piece of paper over to where there was one word, written still in the same pencil.  “This was the word.”</p><p> </p><p>Severus stared at it.</p><p> </p><p>“See.  I think I had shown you.  See you later, my boy.  I have a Ministry to deal with.  Come and join me for dinner in my office, I believe I owe you an ice cream.”  He paused, “Oh.  I thought you might like this – Fawkes has never been a fan of competition.”  He rested the soft toy phoenix on the desk, but Severus did not acknowledge it, for his attention was still captured by the single word on the parchment.  “I remember it all, ‘Sev’rus’.”  Albus smiled at his ever-bemusing Potions’ Master and left him to it, for it was obvious he was not due a response any time soon, and dinner would be upon them readily enough.</p><p><br/>
Eventually Severus sat down, reaching for the orange and black stuffed toy and sitting it on the corner of the desk, and even then, his eyes did not leave that one word.</p><p> </p><p>What was lost, could be replaced.</p><p> </p><p>Even his –</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>The End</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I apologise for any typos, when my eyes have recovered, I will resolve!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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